Join the Military, Get Blown to Bits, We’ll Write You Off: A Student Debt Story
By Silver Vigilante, Chief Editor
“What to do with all this college debt?” thought the Banker, the General and the Politician as they sat together in a room filled with cigar smoke and the smell of poured martini. Older woman served their drinks, some of whom would be solicited to moonlight for one of the people in power they served.
“We’ve coaxed them into the debt, and now their confidences are at all-time lows as they toil their lives away merely to pay back the debt. But, gentlemen, as the three of us know full-well, there is no way a great number of these children will ever pay back the debt we banks have loaned them. The reason for this meeting this evening is to ponder some more how we can make the debtors more useful to us,” said the Banker with interlocking hands resting on his left knee and a cigar hanging out the left side of his mouth.”
“Well, we can always work towards guaranteeing the too-big-to-fail establishments such as yours can have the debts guaranteed by the U.S. taxpayer. I think that everyone would agree that it is for the greater good that these debts get taken care of so that the economy may grow,” offered the Politician.
“Oh, these debts will be guaranteed, my friend the Politician. Of this I rest assured. This has already been demonstrated by past bailouts. In our new world order, profits are privatized for people like us at the banks who then in turn pay people like you lavishly for your lapping, but the losses are socialized so that society can run…smoothly…without interruption. I am looking at the problem – that is, all of these persons who do owe a debt to their nation and society – not just in terms of payment of the debt, but in service of the debt.
“So, then, I don’t believe I see the issue,” said the Politician bewildered.
“Gentlemen, excuse me for intervening, but I believe I understand what the Banker is trying to get at. It’s just that, the $1 trillion in student loans might be too much for the taxpayer to guarantee by the time it is time to pay these debts. These debts could cause chaos.
“Your point does not fall on deaf ears, General,” said the Banker to the General. “But, I want the three of us to think deeper about the problem. How can you, for instance General, benefit from the student debtors? And you, the Politician?”
“Well, I’m not sure I see your point. Sure, enlistments are down and morale is as well in the armed forces, but we couldn’t force the debtors into the military.”
“Why not, General?” Asked the Banker. “Dear Politician, would you not be inclined to introduce such a bill that offers student debt amnesty, provided the students, say, join the military or national guard?” The Banker looked at the General as he finished the question.
“Well, I think the nation is looking for a solution to the student debt problem, Banker, and I guess that if I could come up with a solution that my upcoming campaign would greatly benefit.”
“I know your campaign would greatly benefit, Dear Politician, if you know what I mean.” The Banker winked. “Just think: Next stop, the White House.” He continued:
“Here is what I think: I think we can forgive the debts of these students if they agree to serve you General in one of your democratizing missions across the world. The students then can feel proud to serve their nation, knowing that if they survive the burden of debt, thrust upon their shoulders through the guise of education, will be relieved. This way, General, you get more troops and Dear Politician you will receive accolades and recognition for solving the problem.”
“Well, Banker, I am just wondering – what do you receive in all of this?” Asked the Politician. The General and the Banker looked at each other. The General looked down at the martini in his hand and the Banker looked at the Politician and said: “Well, if the debtor gets blown to bits, Dear Politician, my banks can write them off as a loss – that’s what I get.”
Just then, a young twentysomething approached the table with the Banker, the General and the Politician. The young man stood there for a moment, swaying back and forth, before finally speaking to the gathering.
“There is an old proverb,” the young man said in a drawl of drunk. “It says this: A little bit of debt is the borrowers problem. BUT, a lot of debt is the lenders problem. You illuminati assholes can agendize all you want in your high-society elitist ways. But, nobody likes you. And, everybody knows who you are. Welcome to the Karma martini lounge, motherfuckers.”
The twentysomething left the table and the lounge and made his way to his condo which was located right above the lounge. He sat at the window without any light and waited for the three to leave the lounge. He smoked a cigarette.